Lost
by Voodoo-Mutant-Child
Summary: Charles reflects on everything he lost. Vague Cherik undertones/ (Sort of. I still suck at summaries) (Still.) Days of Future Past coming out so SOON!


Charles lost it all. His family, his legs, his independence. He was like a wounded animal, lashing out at everyone and everything. He couldn't help but ask why. Why did this have to happen? He sat in his chair at the balcony, watching the terrace below. Xander, Sean, Jay and even Shayne were playing football. He scratched his chin, which was becoming rough with stubble. He needed a shave.  
He didn't care.  
He needed a haircut.  
Still nothing.  
Laboriously he shoved off and rolled away. He snatched the bottle of beer from the dresser. Johnathon had many misgivings about that but knew better than to say anything aloud. Even Shayne was giving him a wide berth, and Charles was sorry for that, he didn't want that from the boy.  
He saw the way they all looked at him, with pity, sadness and even apprehension. He never wanted that. Was he to become the drunkard they all feared? No. He never wanted that, he thought to himself as he tipped the bottle of tepid liquid up.  
He swallowed hard, never getting used to the horrid taste. He remembered being a drunk senior, then a graduate, a seductor and all around ladies' man. He wanted that man back, but he also felt like a stranger.  
He dropped the bottle and it rolled off of his knees. There was no sensation. He longed to feel something. Pain, warmth, cold just something! But the doctor had told him that he'd never walk again, there would be no feeling below the waist. That had hit him like a punch to the face.

What was he now? No longer a party-hard young man with not a care in the world. Now an old man (he still couldn't accept that he was no longer in his twenties) of thirty one, he felt as though he should be going grey, God forbid any baldness. He watched the beer slowly leak out of the bottle, and silently accepted that he could not reach it. He sighed sadly and maneuvered around it. He'd sleep now and work, somehow tomorrow. They had a big day ahead of them.

-

It had been three years since Charles last touched the chessboard. The pieces were still in the same position, the pieces still laying where Erik had beaten him. He sighed, "Hello, old friend." he said quietly, not bothering to look up. He could practically feel the waves of sorrow and rage radiating off of him, he could not touch his mind.  
That helmet. That helmet. That stupid helmet...

"Why do you shield yourself from me, Lehnsherr? Why?" He demanded suddenly. "What have I ever done to deserve this? Can you tell me that?" Erik blinked, but his face betrayed no outward emotion. "I can't Charles..."  
"Can't what? Take off that stupid helmet and come to your senses? This is a foolish, dangerous path you've gone down."

Erik leaned leisurely against the door, "Not any more foolish as your aspirations, my dear friend. Mutants or humans. You have to choose. Your precious students or that b-, Moira. They aren't all like that, Charles. You of all people must know that."  
Charles looked uncomfortable, "Erik..."  
"No. Charles, listen, they will not welcome you into society, humans fear the unknown and we are the unknown. This path will only lead to the ultimate destruction of everything you hold dear. I swear it." Erik said, his voice unusually steely.  
Charles fell silent and stared at the dust coated board.  
"I didn't come here to spar with you on this...subject."

"What did you come here for?" Charles asked wearily.  
"I came to ask your forgiveness."  
Charles threw back his head and laughed. "Oh my, you do have the nerve after all. You honestly think that apologizing will fix-" he tapped his knee, "This? I might forgive you someday but today is not the day. Call me cold, call me hard but I can't, I simply CANNOT even deal with that right now. On top of that, you let this fester and blister, this apparent hate I am harboring. No, Erik, I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. I hold this against you but I can't say it'll be forever." he finished his own little speech in a disturbingly calm manner, a slight smile never leaving him.  
Erik was unnerved, and quite frankly had no idea what to say. He cleared his throat, "You need to wake up and smell the smoke, there i- you know what? Never mind. I have overstayed my welcome." he turned, coat billowing as he did so.  
"Heed my words, Charles. You will regret it. I can promise you."

Charles waited till Erik was off property, then buried his head in his pillow. He brushed his long hair back from his face and gritted his teeth. He shut his eyes, falling into a state of melancholy. Everyone else had gone out to see a movie, he'd refused since Dr. No had been watched to death -he'd taken Sean and the others to see it when it first hit the movie house- and now he wished he'd gone.  
Too late now.


End file.
